Kitchen Porn

Strange bedfellows


Bleary-eyed, I walked into the kitchen this morning to the shocking scene of my brand-new salad spinner engaging in sexual intercourse from behind with my Sonos Play:5. Voyeuristically, a small dust broom/pan combo set looks on from the windowsill. This is a classic case of crossing the aisle (electronics and housewares) a seemingly lost art these days. The age difference is notable in that the Sonos is from an earlier generation and the salad spinner is the whirling dervish of kitchen accoutrement. They say that politics makes strange bedfellows but apparently household appliances do as well.

IMG_2798Results of the salad spinner’s intended function

Will Power

I have not so much

I had every intention of taking a picture of my favorite neighborhood ice cream dish – Rita’s vanilla soft-serve with hot fudge. The details are blurry in hindsight although occasionally hindsight is 20-20 but I don’t want to be a Monday-morning quarterback regarding hindsight. Either way, I ate all the fucking ice cream and took a picture of the empty dish.  Who needs another ice cream photo anyway. It was delicious and as I have a yet undiagnosed lactose intolerance condition, I barely made it home. Some may say, “TMI, TMI, TMI!” To you I say, “I’m just glad I didn’t shit my pants.”

IMG_1365I think he shit his toga

I am done with dental x-rays

I don’t think I have one original tooth left in my skull yet I continue to have my “teeth” and head subject to dental radiation. I love lead drapery and genital protection as much as the next, but when I saw what I looked like this morning (see photo below), I knew that enough was enough. By the way, I start Invisalign next week!

IMG_1385This morning

Picking your nose and eating it is good for you

I rest my case.

Not exactly breaking news in the adult community, kids around the world (and some adults) celebrated the results of a recent study published in the journal of the American Society for Microbiology. The study claims that ingesting boogers can be good for teeth, as well as overall health as they are packed with a “rich reservoir of good bacteria.”

A rogue group of youngsters began smelling their butts and belly buttons hoping that this too will be borne out to be a healthy habit as well. One can only hope.

IMG_1383Fingerpicking is good for you too!

Pleasantly Paranoid

How a little boy ran onto the subway by himself and matured into a highly cautious adult

The part about the subway is true. So is the second part.

fullsizeoutput_10a7Who’s there?


I recently joined to confirm my suspicions that something taboo went on in Eastern Europe generations ago. Thrice-removed cousins with pointy teeth and odd thumbs would have you do the same.

My Debut on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon!

Thank you Mr. G. and the whole WPIX crew for the exposure!

Pretty amazing! First off, I’d to thank Jimmy and his tremendous staff at The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. They were warm and welcoming to a relative newcomer who is experiencing a whirlwind of attention. The audience was so supportive you could not help but feed off their self-motivated energy. Paul and Gisęlle could not have been kinder to me. I am so grateful that my first cousin, my first cousin once-removed, her “friend” and other guy were in the audience cheering me on. Thanks guys (and other guy)! I will treasure this memory forever and ever!

IMG_1381A The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon VIP ticket allowed them access to the swanky Peacock Lounge before the show.

IMG_3049Swag for the talent with an excessive discount

Rated R for dirty double-entendres and creaky cunnilingus. (From NYT review of “The Lovers”)


I love the subway. I was the kid on the train with my grandfather staring out the window on my knees (I’m aware that the phrase “on my knees” is triggering to some. Stop it) and peering into the darkened tunnel. (I’m aware that the phrase “darkened tunnel” is triggering to some. Have fun).  I love the rats (although my toes curl), the feculent track water, the third rail (yes, Mr. Blue) and the increasing stench of urine as you approach either end of the station towards the tunnels. I love how you can tell the time of day by the crowds. Somber and silent is a Monday morning commute. Loud and raucous is a Saturday night at midnight. I love when I can stare out of the front of train and watch as it glides along from the dark to the light of the next station. When I lifted up one of my kids to look out, I enjoyed it as much as they did. I love when I see another train next to mine and it’s either much higher or lower than my train or going at the same exact speed. I suppress the urge to wave. I guess what I’m saying is I love this city. Did I say I miss stepping in dog shit?


I’ll write about music soon but just got this sticker and put it on the case. Simple, true.